Raging Flames

2006-07-04T04:22:00.000-07:00

MY NEW BLOG IS AT http://stuckinglue.spaces.msn.com/ THANKS DUDES.

2006-05-04T05:18:00.000-07:00

You claimed that you would change.
You claimed that you were sorry.
You claimed that you would change after neglecting me for so many years.
You only bother noticing the very small and almost irrelevant things about me.
Why is this so?
Do you hate me?
Is that other one drawing you away from me?
That one is not important!
I am.
I am older.
My education requires more from not just me, but you as well.
You liar.
I wish this was different.
You only help me do things to get rid of me.
I hate that.
I hate this.
I don't hate you.
I hate me.

I hate this part of life. The rest is sweeter. I hate this pain. I want to die. You mede me give up on parts of life which i could have excelled in. You did not bother to push me to the best of my abilities. I want to try new things. I want to be a new person. This is who i am. My life. Not yours. Since you threw away YOUR life, why are you trying to live YOUR life which you wanted it to be through MINE?

Hurt. pain.

nostalgia

2006-05-03T01:25:00.000-07:00

LIfe:
have you ever gotten a certain feeling, a memory, when you smelled something, hear a story, or tasted something?
I have. when asked to write a zhou ji on my mother, in relation to the mother in a certain story, i remember when i was a kid. I ran away from home. Why? i do not know. i just did. I ran out of my parent's car. i just kept on running. towards where? i did not know.

ihated my life. i did not know the meaning of true pain. i did not know how people worse off than me survived. People had no home, no money, but they had a life. They used that life.
I finally had to stop running.
Away from my life.

2006-04-11T22:48:00.000-07:00

I am in school now. Doing project work. There are many weird images in my mind now cause for bio, ms yeo showed us smthg to do with the sexual reproductive system. It was animated! the problem is, THE GRAPHICS WERE GOOD!!! aaaahhhh.....
FREAK. BLOODY IMAGES IN MY MIND... LEAVE! I IMPLORE YOU!
School: so far so good. i just have a feeling of insecurity that one day, my friends will hate me and turn their backs on me.

2006-04-11T05:05:00.000-07:00

THIS IS MY DANCE CLASS. IT RAWKS.

2006-04-11T05:04:00.000-07:00

I NOE HOW TO DANCE TO DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT!!!!

2006-04-10T04:16:00.000-07:00

Love- I thought about him again. sure. i usually mentioned him when i blog but never actually never thought about him as someone i really liked in a long time. I don't want to think about him anymore. i don't want to like him anymore. all it is doing is causing me pain and distraction. I used ti try and force myself to like him as a brother. not someone whom i truly had feelings for. It was impossible. i still like him more than ever. Now. i just have to stop. I heard that he liked me. but i can't belive it till i've heard it straight from him. No. i have to stop entertaining these thoughts about me liking him and start to study. It's all mental isn't it. The more i try to forget, the more i remember. like the way he looked at me during the carnival. or how he helped me retrieved my wallet. these memories. all have to be erased. I have to tell myself, he's moved on. now i must too.

Life- i miss my old seat. wherever i move, i'll miss my old seat lah. but everywhere i go, there is more to learn and new people to meet. not saying that i hate my old seat. it's just different. i'll just have to get use to it. However, it's a great seat for sneaking in and out of class. LOL.
It's the week when we celebrate the Lord's ressurection. I have many sins. Hopefully, i can clear them by friday. impossible. so that would mean that i have only that much time to sin. ok. just kiddin. I want to go back to youth service. i miss my spiritual mother.

Random Rants- i am at home now. i skipped dance class today to practice 2.4. hopefully i can run as fast as when i practice cause when i practice, it's in the comfort of an air conditioned room. Sigh. I wish my dance class would start mixing the dance releases. I am getting bored with the new relese. it's getting old. Hey! if anyone wants me to teach them how to dance to 'DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT' all ya have to do is ask. the dance is really GOOD. seriously.

this is Kas. out. I LOVE X-MEN!

2006-04-07T03:57:00.000-07:00

Random Rants: tis is moi. yep. i noe. U-G-L-Y. ugly yeps. my tuition teacher was telling me a funny joke. her brother, Joel messed with her phone, so her message tone is like going 'one new message. you've got friends!' haha sounds super funny. Then she has a ringtone that goes like "it's a bird! It's a plane! no it's.... Joel!(then her sis joins in...) It's super Joel!" I was like LMAO! haha... then there is another one that goes "buddy buddy buddy buddy buddy buddy buddy etc." lol... There's more but it sounds funnier if i tell ya verbally...

School: FREAK!!! the blurdy chem test is still pissing me off! I can't believe i got something so obviously wrong well, wrong! DAMN. i really have nothing to report. We had international frenship day celebration and my class sold RAMLY burger. considering that it was not the original, it was still GOOD. mrs. pandian's papadums were also deelicious.. lol. Pandian's papadums. 2deeleedum chow!

Love: i dunno if i like the guy that i like as a brother or as a fren or as a crush. need to know the details? ok fine.
I've known him since like i was P2. His sis is my good fren. yupps. at first, he hated me. always called me names. for a couple of years. seriously. cause im fat wad. duh. then well one day. it changed. not to bore ya with the details but yup. i started to like him. etc etc etc. Nuff said.

Life: What's there to report? everything is getting way better than ever.

Friends: today- good day. yep. clare finally talked to me. lol. nts.
yesterday- stoopid stacey made us watch House Of Wax. DAMN FREAKY. I HATE IT. WE WATCHED ONE HOUR AND CHANGED IT TO 'YOURS MINE AND OURS'.thank goodness. franny couldn't sleep. lol. i was freaked out but dead tired so i just conked off. oh. this is not related to frens but it's today.. so i'll add another category.
today- i freaking finally ran 2.4 km continuosly! well, in the comfort of the aircon so hopefully i can do it in the sun yuppies. in total, to day i ran 3 km. little but sufficient for moi.

Family: Mum made me draw up a timetable so that i can set my priorities. i need to study more period. Yeah i noe. sorry guys that that day my mum was in a bad mood. but she's seriously a great person. she's my best fren.

LOVE YA. KAS<3YA

2006-04-04T22:34:00.000-07:00

I know i know... what happened to my resolution of always posting! i'll post when i can dammit... ok.
In school: I had a chem and History test to day and FREAK!!! I HAVE BLOODY FAILED FOR CHEM!!! I WROTE EVERYTHING THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT IT ACTUALLY IS!!! DIE! FREAK AND I WAS SO BLOODY CONFIDENT! I CRIED LIKE HELL! FOR HISTORY I COULDN'T DAMN WRITE! MY HANDS WERE FREAKING SHAKING AWAY!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
THOUGHTS:people have complained that i am too deep in real life but on my posts, it is like a totally different me. Newsflash. Most of this is the real me. My thoughts, feelings and rants are all here...

FEELINGS:What is life without people you want to be with? What is life when people you love and trust turn their backs on you. Meaningless. Trust is essential. People need trust to survive. This is why i have difficulty trusting people because i have been betrayed one too many times!
Truth? I like a guy. i have short infatuations on many guys but i have one super long crush. Since primary 4 yupps... only some friends know about this guy.. details hmm... ACS(barker)... i know.. last place to find a guy.. but he's in a way different. 16 in 2006... okok.. nuff said!
I find guys that look like Nicholas Tse and my crush hot... No. My crush does not look like Nicholas Tse... LOL.
DANCE AT ATTITUDE RAWKS.

2006-03-28T21:13:00.000-08:00

What the heck is wrong with my life?! The people... The on off friends...
Don't you realise something? People are only friends with you when u are popular... If you aren't popular, they use u until they find someone popular to hang out with... what can i say... these people are humans... inhuman...
Honestly, I hate practicaly everyone in this world at a certain point. It could be for a short period of time... it could be for a long period of time..
I am veeeerrrrrrrrry choosey about my friends. for that, i apologise.
Thing is, all i want from them is very simple. I want them to listen to MY problems and help Me when i am down. Please... ignore the Capitalisation... i am just trying to emphasize that not only you have the problems... i do too... not saying that i do not like to counsel others... in fact, ilove it!!! it's just... i want someone who i can turn too... whom i can tell my problems to. No. i do NOT want a friggin boyfriend. I want a fRIEND.
BTW, i am NOT lesboff. u wanna know who is a lesboff? fine. ASK ME DIRECTLY!!! Lesbos, well, not as many as gays anyhoo... if u go to a gaybar.. it is abundant with gays... there is no lesbo night... there is ladies night. PLUS! there may be lesbos but not so many
Know smthg? LESBOS LAST FOT ONLY ABOUT A COUPLE OF MONTHS OR YEARS... GAYS? THEY'RE ANOTHER STORY... what the heck is going on with the lesbo and gay talk u ask... forget it... dun ask...
Back to the Friend issue... Now, Let's talk about a Good boyfriend... Btw, this is for all u despos out there... Look for some one that can give u what u deserve! Shit. i mean i've heard of people who date to experiment. no offense to the person im talking about... but anyways... Look for some one you can spend ur life with... of course i want to say NOT NOW... but if u are certain that u have found the one for u, go for it! Just learn to treat this Godsent right. If you've made a mistake in the relationship or u've let this 'great' person slip through ur hands... don't worry!!! If God will is to be that you will end up with each other, u will!!! eventually anyway...
May God be with You!!! :)
Peace out.

2006-03-23T16:35:00.000-08:00

I am a guy who is ten years old and i am married to a girl. I am the son of 2 women, one who is supposedly a man. heh. What the heck is going on rite? I have no idea.
Yesterday, a 2d(my class) family was started. I am the 'son' of stacey and claire. Claire is the father, Stacey, the mother. I am married to Ming Feng and get this, i am ten. oh and that's not all, i am having an affair with rachel. Thinking of having a daughter... heh.
Anyway, when i heard that the chem test was cancelled i was like OHMYTIAN!!! yayayayayayayyay! But, guess what? IT WAS CANCELLED CAUSE MS CHEAH SAW US STRUGGLING AND TOLD MS YEO SO NOW IT IS CANCELLED CAUSE IT IS TOO DIFFICULT.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
oh, now i got a daughter... heheheh Franny!!! yay! btw, she's ming feng and my daughter... not mine and rachel's.... yes. i noe that this is damn lesboff.... hey, it's just a game... think what ever you wanna...

Muacks<3
Kas

hey

2006-03-17T22:51:00.000-08:00

this is my new blog... i'm gonna try from now on to post as often as i can!
yupps. erm... went for a church worldwide prayer meeting yesterday! actually turned out to be fun.. message was really good! My church rawks mans... haha
anyways, recently i returned back to my dance class 'attitude' at Bukit Timah Plaza but it still does not feel the smae... hopefully next time things will change! I love the new dance release! Jazz and hip hop! yups! still not as good as the last one though haha... are any of ya fans of nicholas tse? yupps... my dance teacher, who is NOT gay and teachers hip hop too by the way, looks exacty like nichols tse! he looks cool... but i dun haf a crush on him...nopes... i only think he looks hot..
ok guys, i currently do not haf crush now cause i've decided that what the heck is the point?! that infatuation is going to get you nowhere in life. that infatuation will only make whatever small relationship with that guy which u like worse than before! By the way, i'm too young. hey. i'm not just making this a point for myself but for everyone... i noe it is difficult for people sometimes to keep their feelings in but if God wills u to be with this person, you'll meet with this person again one day and there will be a relationship! i mean, what is the hell with all of u?! rushing to get into a relationship which u can't even handle... yeesh...

2006-02-22T02:34:00.000-08:00

finally. yep i noe. i finally tagged. First time this year huh? yep in 2d now. ok. let me fill u in. details are sketchy though.
went to 2d. no frens coz all diff class.
made frens! >_< oh happy day!
Got lotsa valentines day gifts! happy valentines day btw...
Then i changed seat and sat beside victoria... for guess wad.. one day.
Next day coz Kim could not see so i switched with her.
Sitting beside Christel and Francesca now.
Wierd but still the same....
now guess wad. gonna dance for family night.
is very scared..
i got like cold feet during my attitude dance class performance.
Still did it all the same.
personally, i don't think i can dance.
though everyone says i can..
What can i say?
life sux. hey anyone noe of good ways to raise funds? i need them for project work.thanx
Lots of love
XXX
Kas (kick ass schizo)

heyu

2005-10-04T16:07:00.000-07:00

today during chemistry biatch and brownpenguin had to "partner" each other to ask each other qestns! biatch practically glowed with pride at the thought of partnering brown penguin... haha even gave brown penguin and easy question...but we asked penguin to give her a difficult questn. haha ...Qn:what boils at 170 degrees in crude oil? ans: Kerosene! hahaha biatch did not even know the ans! You should have seen her face fall when penguin asked her that! Bet you don't like her now huh lesboff! No, wait you will forever love her!!!

Well enough with the putting down of Biatch

Tomorrow is the start of our exams and i am going to mati!!! Then, i also have to miss my attitude classes because of the annoying mother of mine wants me to study for the exams. i mean like, hello? i can't survive without my attitude classes! aaaaaaaarrrrrgggggggggggh. I tll you ah, for the next few days i am going to be in a bad mood cause of this and not cause of PMS!!!

sigh

2005-09-15T18:22:00.000-07:00

Wah liao! that Amelia's post's are so long!!! anywayz, nothing to report at skool.. in com class now. Next is History!! i love History! it rawks... but i hate the teacher! she is so annoying!
Sigh! I miss mis Gan! She is in china now and our lit teacher is Ms ng and treats us like kiddies!
That Shuen, Charlotte, Kimberley etc. all talking 'bout guys now! it is so freaking annoying! they are so boy crazy! some times they are suuuuper annoying, sometimes they are nice lah.. every one has their good points... but some times ppl's bad points are more than their good points and vice versa.
Ai yah wadeva lahz got new tracks to learn at Attitude!!! Whoooohoooo! so happy! i can't stand it! Attitude rawks! my teacher offered me a job to be a part-time instructor in Attidtude! pity i am too young! so kwel mans! I want to dance like every day! it rawks! AAAAAaaaaaah!
Btw, i had a freaky experience just on monday! there was a man, most likely a construction worker then he looked at me perveresly and whistled! I was so freaked outtttt oh shhots! gtg! history test now!

yhz

2005-08-17T05:44:00.000-07:00

yohz! so tired just came back from my attitude dance class!!! and I am super sleeeeeeeeeepy.. mi back is aching too... aaahhh Harry Potter! I wan you!!! Amelia has jus borrowed my book and is taking forever to read it!!!! wah liao... so slow...any ways... nothing to report today... tommorow got swimmin PE!!! dun get me wrong.. i absolutely lurve to swim but... i hate swimmin PE!aiyah... sighs.. i wanna learn the guitar!!i went home to practse and my fingers are painful now!! serves me right for not takin my time to prctise... aniwaez love yahs! out.

today...

2005-08-01T19:02:00.000-07:00

today i am still in school... aniwaez... just had chemistry written test...it sucked! i bet i onli got 12/30 !! my chemistry teacher is a crossed eyed biatch! she also changed all our seats in class and she is not even our form teacher! aiyah wadeva lah...i am still so depressed! now bernice is sitting alone and near shuen so i asked her to go and sit next to shu en!!! hahaha...huo gai!

okies so much for skool updates...maybe later i will continue...byes...muakz<3

-

2005-07-31T00:31:00.000-07:00

I am sorry Charmaine, and i hope that you will let me post this. First I want to express my deepest condolences and I want to tell you that everyone in 1o will always be here for you. Upon learning that Charmaine's Father had passed away on Friday, 27/7/05, I felt really horrible. I know what it feels like to lose someone so dear and important in your life.
I lost my grand mother in the year 2003. Ironically, I was the day right after my birthday. When my dad told me the news, all i couls say was, "are you jokin?" Before her death, she was diagnosed with lung cancer. I really regretted not spending enough time with her before she passed away. I admit that i was really an idiot, blaming God because she was so sure that she would heal but he still let her slip through life's fingers just like that. Her last words were, "i want to be happy." I realise that God did at least fulfill her final wish and that she is probably in heaven now sipping champagne and eating chocolates. :)
Charmaine, I understand what you are going through right now, but you cannot turn back time. Treasure what you have now and you will never live a life of regret. God bless and may all your wishes come true.

afr

2005-07-02T14:49:00.000-07:00

Grrrr....tomorrow I am going 4 combined church service and will miss Dandy's attitude class! dad won't let me leave early! so angry... my church is moving to the expo! so far away.... today attitude class had to cut short cause the room was a holding room for the nutcracker! I have an urge to ask char or shu en whether I can go with them for church tomorrow... but my mother surely don't allow... but anyhoo... i don't feel like going...
first wk of school ends this wk was rather good... teacher shuffled our seats and our class noise level just dropped........
I don't really noe what to write now... lalalalalalalala........okz bye! Muahz!

Hey

2005-06-29T22:04:00.000-07:00

I just came back from my Body Jam class....... it Rawkz! I am stuck in the middle of 2 good freinds at skool..Oh and I have a confession to make.......ok listen up all y'all......or not...I do have a crush on someone but I will not say who. all I can say is i've like the guy for a rather long period of time...... ok nuff said...
there is this one other teacher that teaches some of my Body jam classes...He is cute in an ugly sort of way... just a passing crush though.....
i really don't know what to write. i might even give up on this blog....