MY NEW BLOG IS AT http://stuckinglue.spaces.msn.com/ THANKS DUDES.

You claimed that you would change.
You claimed that you were sorry.
You claimed that you would change after neglecting me for so many years.
You only bother noticing the very small and almost irrelevant things about me.
Why is this so?
Do you hate me?
Is that other one drawing you away from me?
That one is not important!
I am.
I am older.
My education requires more from not just me, but you as well.
You liar.
I wish this was different.
You only help me do things to get rid of me.
I hate that.
I hate this.
I don't hate you.
I hate me.

I hate this part of life. The rest is sweeter. I hate this pain. I want to die. You mede me give up on parts of life which i could have excelled in. You did not bother to push me to the best of my abilities. I want to try new things. I want to be a new person. This is who i am. My life. Not yours. Since you threw away YOUR life, why are you trying to live YOUR life which you wanted it to be through MINE?

Hurt. pain.

nostalgia

LIfe:
have you ever gotten a certain feeling, a memory, when you smelled something, hear a story, or tasted something?
I have. when asked to write a zhou ji on my mother, in relation to the mother in a certain story, i remember when i was a kid. I ran away from home. Why? i do not know. i just did. I ran out of my parent's car. i just kept on running. towards where? i did not know.

ihated my life. i did not know the meaning of true pain. i did not know how people worse off than me survived. People had no home, no money, but they had a life. They used that life.
I finally had to stop running.
Away from my life.

I am in school now. Doing project work. There are many weird images in my mind now cause for bio, ms yeo showed us smthg to do with the sexual reproductive system. It was animated! the problem is, THE GRAPHICS WERE GOOD!!! aaaahhhh.....
FREAK. BLOODY IMAGES IN MY MIND... LEAVE! I IMPLORE YOU!
School: so far so good. i just have a feeling of insecurity that one day, my friends will hate me and turn their backs on me.

THIS IS MY DANCE CLASS. IT RAWKS.

I NOE HOW TO DANCE TO DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT!!!!

Love- I thought about him again. sure. i usually mentioned him when i blog but never actually never thought about him as someone i really liked in a long time. I don't want to think about him anymore. i don't want to like him anymore. all it is doing is causing me pain and distraction. I used ti try and force myself to like him as a brother. not someone whom i truly had feelings for. It was impossible. i still like him more than ever. Now. i just have to stop. I heard that he liked me. but i can't belive it till i've heard it straight from him. No. i have to stop entertaining these thoughts about me liking him and start to study. It's all mental isn't it. The more i try to forget, the more i remember. like the way he looked at me during the carnival. or how he helped me retrieved my wallet. these memories. all have to be erased. I have to tell myself, he's moved on. now i must too.

Life- i miss my old seat. wherever i move, i'll miss my old seat lah. but everywhere i go, there is more to learn and new people to meet. not saying that i hate my old seat. it's just different. i'll just have to get use to it. However, it's a great seat for sneaking in and out of class. LOL.
It's the week when we celebrate the Lord's ressurection. I have many sins. Hopefully, i can clear them by friday. impossible. so that would mean that i have only that much time to sin. ok. just kiddin. I want to go back to youth service. i miss my spiritual mother.

Random Rants- i am at home now. i skipped dance class today to practice 2.4. hopefully i can run as fast as when i practice cause when i practice, it's in the comfort of an air conditioned room. Sigh. I wish my dance class would start mixing the dance releases. I am getting bored with the new relese. it's getting old. Hey! if anyone wants me to teach them how to dance to 'DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT' all ya have to do is ask. the dance is really GOOD. seriously.

this is Kas. out. I LOVE X-MEN!

Random Rants: tis is moi. yep. i noe. U-G-L-Y. ugly yeps. my tuition teacher was telling me a funny joke. her brother, Joel messed with her phone, so her message tone is like going 'one new message. you've got friends!' haha sounds super funny. Then she has a ringtone that goes like "it's a bird! It's a plane! no it's.... Joel!(then her sis joins in...) It's super Joel!" I was like LMAO! haha... then there is another one that goes "buddy buddy buddy buddy buddy buddy buddy etc." lol... There's more but it sounds funnier if i tell ya verbally...

School: FREAK!!! the blurdy chem test is still pissing me off! I can't believe i got something so obviously wrong well, wrong! DAMN. i really have nothing to report. We had international frenship day celebration and my class sold RAMLY burger. considering that it was not the original, it was still GOOD. mrs. pandian's papadums were also deelicious.. lol. Pandian's papadums. 2deeleedum chow!

Love: i dunno if i like the guy that i like as a brother or as a fren or as a crush. need to know the details? ok fine.
I've known him since like i was P2. His sis is my good fren. yupps. at first, he hated me. always called me names. for a couple of years. seriously. cause im fat wad. duh. then well one day. it changed. not to bore ya with the details but yup. i started to like him. etc etc etc. Nuff said.

Life: What's there to report? everything is getting way better than ever.

Friends: today- good day. yep. clare finally talked to me. lol. nts.
yesterday- stoopid stacey made us watch House Of Wax. DAMN FREAKY. I HATE IT. WE WATCHED ONE HOUR AND CHANGED IT TO 'YOURS MINE AND OURS'.thank goodness. franny couldn't sleep. lol. i was freaked out but dead tired so i just conked off. oh. this is not related to frens but it's today.. so i'll add another category.
today- i freaking finally ran 2.4 km continuosly! well, in the comfort of the aircon so hopefully i can do it in the sun yuppies. in total, to day i ran 3 km. little but sufficient for moi.

Family: Mum made me draw up a timetable so that i can set my priorities. i need to study more period. Yeah i noe. sorry guys that that day my mum was in a bad mood. but she's seriously a great person. she's my best fren.


LOVE YA. KAS<3YA

I know i know... what happened to my resolution of always posting! i'll post when i can dammit... ok.
In school: I had a chem and History test to day and FREAK!!! I HAVE BLOODY FAILED FOR CHEM!!! I WROTE EVERYTHING THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT IT ACTUALLY IS!!! DIE! FREAK AND I WAS SO BLOODY CONFIDENT! I CRIED LIKE HELL! FOR HISTORY I COULDN'T DAMN WRITE! MY HANDS WERE FREAKING SHAKING AWAY!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
THOUGHTS:people have complained that i am too deep in real life but on my posts, it is like a totally different me. Newsflash. Most of this is the real me. My thoughts, feelings and rants are all here...

FEELINGS:What is life without people you want to be with? What is life when people you love and trust turn their backs on you. Meaningless. Trust is essential. People need trust to survive. This is why i have difficulty trusting people because i have been betrayed one too many times!
Truth? I like a guy. i have short infatuations on many guys but i have one super long crush. Since primary 4 yupps... only some friends know about this guy.. details hmm... ACS(barker)... i know.. last place to find a guy.. but he's in a way different. 16 in 2006... okok.. nuff said!
I find guys that look like Nicholas Tse and my crush hot... No. My crush does not look like Nicholas Tse... LOL.
DANCE AT ATTITUDE RAWKS.